(That’s me on the far left, one head taller than the other kids and looking over them at the action.)

The timing was ironic, as today was my daughter’s own Jog-A-Thon. She managed to walk 1.5 miles, and I joined her walking for half of it. It was a glorious Spring day in Reno, and the DJ was playing really good music.

That is, until they started playing 80s and early 90s music. It took all the restraint in me when they started playing MC Hammer’s Don’t Touch This not to bust out in the Running Man.

But my daughter wouldn’t have understood how funny that is, and she also would have been mortified, so I refrained. Instead, I took pictures so that I could post them on her Facebook wall in 30 years.

(Some day she will laugh that she chose to wear a purple tutu for her first Jog-A-Thon. She’s the one sitting in the front row towards the right of the picture in the tutu.)

Next goal:  two more pounds until I was the weight when I met my hubby! 

My milestones are probably the same as most women my age:

• High School Weight (the pipe dream that I’ll never see again)
• College Weight
• Driver’s License Weight
• Wedding Weight
• Pre-pregnancy Weight
• 10 months Pregnancy Weight (a number in my head that I always marvel at how I used to weigh that much)
• Post-pregnancy Weight (I look at a picture of me holding my 3 week old baby, and that number pops in my head.  But you know what, I still think I look beautiful because I’m radiating in happiness). 

I started off this New Year with a personal, silent goal.  I was still carrying around 10 pounds of what I thought of as “pregnancy weight”, and by golly, my baby was 2.5 years old.  I had met with my doctor in December, voicing my concerns about not being able to lose weight.  I eat very healthy, exercise daily, but still, for my health and my self esteem, I needed to shed at a minimum those 10 pounds.

So I got on a medically supervised weight loss plan.  It has been strict.  But it has worked.  As of today, I’ve lost 20 pounds, and I’m one pound over WEDDING WEIGHT.  Not to say I was stick skinny at my wedding, but I was at a weight that made me happy, was healthy, and it is a weight I literally haven’t seen since my wedding day (I gained 4 pounds on my honeymoon in Italy, but it was totally WORTH it). 

I always thought that exercise was the key to maintaining or losing weight for me.  And since I was 19, I pretty much worked out 5+ times a week.  Religiously.  Vigorously.  What I’ve learned on this plan, which actually restricts my exercise to light walking, is that for me, it’s really about the food and the calorie count. 

I think my problem before was that I was working out so hard that I would become ravenous.  Even though I was eating healthy foods, I was simply eating too much to offset how much exercise I was doing.

Anyway, it’s interesting how the people that see you every day and live with you really don’t notice much of a change, but I’m starting to get comments from people at work on how I look GOOD. 

Which always makes me pause and think, did I look that BAD before?!  I really don’t feel like I look THAT different, but I do notice how my clothes are fitting differently and I have bought some smaller sizes recently.

Throughout this journey, I have also been very concious to not talk to my kids about what I was doing…  I believe I’ve managed to slide this under the radar.  I don’t want my daughter to even know what a diet is at this age.  I simply eat my healthy food, which is often what the family is eating minus the carbs.  I’ve taken to snacking on cucumbers and baby bell peppers daily, and you know what has happened?  My kids now think that is a lovely snack.  That makes me happy to see.  They’re also really fond of shrimp now. 

Anyway, I sure hope I can maintain this weight.  I want to lose that one more pound go get me down to Wedding Weight.  I think I may do a little dance when that happens. 

There have been so many changes in my life since I hit my 30s.  I think learning to regulate your weight in the face of marriage, bearing children, and raising children is a whole learning curve.  I’m hoping that I have truly figured it out, and can stop the battle and just enjoy the living. 

So, I talked to our care provider, telling her, “I’m ready to go cold turkey on diapers!”

She looked at me shell shocked, saying, “well I can’t be cleaning messes all day.  He must be ‘almost there’ before I can start.”

Almost there.  Tell me, how do I get said 2.75 year old ‘almost there’ when she is with him 45 hours a week and she’s NOT participating.  Hmmm… 

Of course, around the same time, he lost interest in the whole process anyway.

So, I’m starting to think his start date at preschool will come and go…  Although they will give us one more chance for next school year with a September deadline. 

I keep trying on the weekends, but honestly, we do so much on the weekends that it’s a pain to have him wetting his pants while we’re out and about.  If only I could outsource potty training… 

This whole Facebook phenomenon has an interesting twist when someone dies. This is the second time that one of my Facebook friends has died, and their Wall turns into a virtual memorial, with people posting memories, sympathies to the family, and pictures.

I haven’t talked to David since college, but we reconnected on Facebook a few years ago. He came to the Reno area regularly for Burning Man, and it would have been fun to see him on one of those trips. He had two young daughters, and it just breaks my heart thinking of his little family carrying on without him, and also thinking about all he will miss as a father to those girls. Thanks to Facebook, though, we had at least reconnected virtually, I was aware of his illness, and I was also informed of his passing in a very timely manner. If this would have happened 10 years ago, I likely wouldn’t have found out about his passing at all.

The other Facebook friend who died was someone I knew all through elementary school to high school. From what I could gather on the Wall posts, she committed suicide. Periodically, like on her birthday or the anniversary of her death, I’ll see notes that her Mom writes to her, or notes that friends write.

I wonder what Facebook’s policy is for people who have died. So far, it appears they leave the account intact, and it seems to be a high tech way for people to mourn the lost.

It definitely makes me think about my own mortality when people my age die. Especially David, who I remember as a vibrant, funny and fun loving guy. Let this serve as a reminder to live each life in the fullest.

Rest in peace, Dave.

My parents met at a ski club.  They introduced my brothers and I to skiing at a young age, and we’re now continuing that tradition with our kids.  Two weeks ago, my whole family gathered at Kirkwood, CA for a family ski day.  What a lovely time it was, indeed.  I can’t wait for my kiddos to be old enough to ski all day!

P.S.  Isn’t my brother’s puppy ADORABLE?!

I was very religious in my teens, needless to say.

That song spoke to me powerfully back then.  When I saw the song performed on Oprah, it stopped me in my tracks. I replayed it over and over.  Soon therafter, I started using that song to sing my children to sleep.

Little Man has now become very addicted to the song.  I’m not allowed to sing any other lullaby to him.  He insists on the “Bridge” song, and also will only allow me to sing it when it is bedtime (no breaking schedule).

The other night, I was singing this song to him, when I heard my daughter singing along from her bedroom, and my son started singing, too.  I was amazed that they knew all of the lyrics.  It also made me smile. If any song lyrics are going to make an imprint on my children, I think these are the perfect ones to describe the love I feel for them as their mother.

Love Can Build A Bridge (lyrics)

I’d gladly walk across the desert with no shoes upon my feet
To share with you the last bite of bread I had to eat
I would swim out to save you
In your sea of broken dreams
When all your hopes are sinking
Let me show you what love means

Love can build a Bridge
Between your heart and mine
Love can build a Bridge
Don’t you think it’s time?
Don’t you think it’s time?

I would whisper love so loudly
Every heart could understand
That love and only love
Can join the tribes of man
I would give my heart’s desire
So that you might see
The first step is to realize
That it all begins with you and me

Love can build a Bridge
Between your heart and mine
Love can build a Bridge
Don’t you think it’s time?
Oh, don’t you think it’s time?

When we stand together
It’s our finest hour
We can do anything, anything Anything, anything
Keep believin’ in the power of Love
Between your heart and mine
Love can build a Bridge

Don’t you think it’s time? Don’t you think it’s time?

This year, I have two Valentine’s Day pet-peeves:

1.  My daughter’s teacher came up with this lovely idea to have kids draw a Valentine’s Buddy, and they would each bring lunch for their buddy.  In essence, I still have to make a lunch, but I send it for some other kid, and Lord knows what kind of food that other mother will be packing!  I ate lunch with my daughter last week at her school, and every time I do, I look in awe at what other parents are packing for their children.  The winner this past time was the Mom who packed one white breadstick and one brownie for her child’s lunch.  Really?!  Nothing with viable nutrition!  The teacher spent the lunch trying to gather food the other kids weren’t eating to give to him.  So yeah, I have high standards with the food I give my kids, and this whole switching lunch thing isn’t my favorite Kindergarten activity.

2.  Goodie bags.  The Mothers at my son’s daycare send goodie bags home for every random holiday.  He got a goodie bag yesterday from a 1 year old, filled with plastic junk and candy.  I’m not a believer in goodie bags even at birthday parties — because, truly, who has ever received a goodie bag in which the contents weren’t pitched within a week?!  Do I look like a slacker Mom for not giving goodie bags to the other kids at daycare?  Probably.  I don’t really care.

Seeing posts on Facebook today of what other Moms have done to celebrate Valentine’s Day with their kids truly made me feel like a slacker.  They baked muffins, decorated the table, bought cards…  I bought one chocolate rose for my daughter, and sprinkled a few candy hearts on the table.  Thankfully, the kids are young enough not to know any different.

So that is my rant for the day.  We still have cupcakes coming out of our ears at home from my daughter’s birthday, so I’ll be avoiding all of the Valentine’s treats like the plague.

The night before Little Miss’ birthday, my mom baked her a special mini-cake in a cake pan that looks like a present.  They also baked a bunch of cupcakes for the kids that would be attending her party.  My mom put the cake on the rack to cool, and then started making frosting.

My daughter got up on the counter to help make the frosting.  A while later, I came into the kitchen to find them happily frosting cupcakes on the table, and this was on the counter.

That’s right, people, my daughter had sat on her own birthday cake without even knowing it!  We all got a good laugh out of it, and the newly named butt cake then went into the garbage as whe baked another cake.

Here is what the second birthday cake looked like:

Much better!

This past weekend, we skied with my parents and all of my nieces and nephews.  What a treat it was to ski with our entire extended family.  I especially enjoyed skiing with my parents.

This week, I am getting Lasik Enhancement surgery, and I won’t be allowed to ski for a week.  You all know what that means, right?  It’s FINALLY snowing here.  Figures.

I know this is cheesy, but today I light a virtual candle in memory of my healthy knee.  One year ago today was my fateful fall where I tore my ACL, MCL and meniscus.  I think back on that time, remembering how trying it was having my mobility taken away from me, and what a long road the recovery has been, and continues to be.

Overall, I am thankful.  I am thankful I had great health insurance.  I am thankful that I have one year of recovery behind me, and hopeful that I won’t have to endure something like that again.

We have finally received snow here.  While my husband is up enjoying the fresh powder, I am patiently resisting the urge to ski, knowing my knee just isn’t ready for powder yet.  In the meantime, I’m happy to be mobile, able to keep up with my kids, able to participate in outings and family dance night, and able to work up a good sweat at the gym.

Having a significant injury changes you.  Hopefully in this past year, my children have witnessed bravery in the face of challenges, and I am a better person for the challenges that I have overcome.

Sh!t. Was my first thought.

Reno hasn’t had any significant preciptation for several months.  We had a horrible fire two months ago when a storm was blowing in and we had high winds.

Yesterday, the fates aligned again with a storm blowing in, high winds, and a fire.

I came back to my office to look up online where the fire was, and it was in Washoe Valley, just south of where we live.  I wasn’t too worried until I got an update a few hours later saying that Callahan, a neighborhood one road up the hill from us, was being evacuated.

I decided to go work from home at 3pm, as I wanted to be close to the kids if our neighborhood was evacuated.  Turns out that was a very smart move.

At about 4:30, I decided perhaps I should once again (as I did two months ago when the last fire hit) gather up some of our important paperwork.  I went up to the office, and happened to look out the front window.  I saw two of my neighbors gathered talking to a stranger.  It didn’t take me long to figure out they were talking to a firefighter.

I ran down the stairs and out of my house to find my next door neighbor, who does after care for my daughter was packing up and about to drive away.  I quickly got my daughter from them, and as I was walking to get my son, the firefighter came up to me and said the area was being evacuated.

She looked into our garage and asked if we were taking our dog with us.  I said we were (mentally anguishing the stress on our 16 year old lab), and she tied a blue ribbon on our door, marking that we were evacuating.

That was when it started to feel REAL.  About that time, I turned and saw the flames coming down the hill towards our neighborhood.

People often talk about what they would take in the event of a fire, and I can just say after packing up one suitcase for all 3 of us, our 90 pound dog and a pack and play, there really wasn’t much room in the car for anything big.

I grabbed an empty box and filled it with photo albums, baby books, birth certificates and passports.  I brought one change of clothes for each person, and the favorite loveys for each kid.  I threw it all in the car, and started to back out of the driveway.

There were so many people evacuating at the same time that I had to wait a few minutes before I could back out of our driveway, and then the main street in/out of our neighborhood was jam packed with people evacuating and emergency responders and news crews driving in.

As I drove down the foothill, there were flames approaching our neighborhood from two directions.  As much as I didn’t want to freak the kids out, I couldn’t help but saying, “Oh, my God…   Oh, my God…”

I drove straight to my brother’s house, and this is what the hill by my house looked like from his neighborhood.

We turned on the news at my brother’s house, and the news announced that flames had reached the high school by our house.  That high school is really CLOSE to our house.  We walk there all the time.  About this time was when I realized I was shaking.

My phone was ringing and buzzing with texts as people offered me places to stay.  The one person I wasn’t hearing from was my husband, who had left his cell phone at home, and whose car wasn’t at his office when I drove by on my way to my brother’s house.

The kids and I ate dinner there, and I kept calling his office, only to get his voicemail.  I knew in my gut that he was OK, but couldn’t imagine why on earth he hadn’t tried to get ahold of me.

I finally got a call at 7pm (two hours after being evacuated) from a strange cell phone.  He had been in South Lake Tahoe (in a snow storm) all day, and didn’t realize there was a massive fire until he drove into Carson City.  He stopped at a fast food restaurant and asked the cashier if he could use their phone to call me.

The road in between Carson City and Reno was shut down, so he had to seek refuge at a friends’ house in that area.  I ended up going to my friend Annie’s house, as she had enough bedrooms to accommodate the kids and I, as well as our poor old dog Shadow.

I was rather afraid all this excitement might be too much for old Shadow, but he hung in there through two changes in venue last night.

I didn’t sleep much.  By the time I went to bed, I was pretty sure our house would be OK, but it was still disconcerting.  This morning, our area was considered still evacuated, but I called a neighbor to find out that they were home and people were returning to there houses throughout the neighborhood.

No homes in our neighborhood burned, but over 20 did in the neighboring valley.  Reno has been struck by so many tragedies in the last year.  Can we just get some significant preciptation and a bit of a break, starting NOW?

Everything started normal.  I woke up to the sound of the kids chattering happily in the living room.  I go out to see them, exchange hugs, get Little Man dressed and oversee Little Miss getting dressed.  I then ask them what they want for breakfast, and pour out the cereal and milk that they selected.

That’s when things started to go downhill.

“I want MORE milk,”  Little Man whined.  He does this practically every morning, wanting more of something he hasn’t yet started to eat, and I know darn well he will likely not eat more than I originally give him.

“Eat what I gave you, and then I’ll give you more,” I responded.

That launched him into a tantrum.

Right about that time, Little Miss was asking me questions and I was mindlessly trying to answer them while starting to get lunches ready.

“WHAT DID YOU SAY?” she yelled at me.

I honestly didn’t know.  I was on auto-pilot, not yet completely awake, and my whole mind was fogged by the tantrum raging a few feet away from me.

I told her I couldn’t remember what I said, and she kept demanding me to tell her what THAT WORD meant.

“What word?”  I ask.

“That one that I didn’t know.”

“I don’t know which word you’re referencing,” I respond.

That launched her into a fit.

About this point, I picked up Little Man, took him to the rocker, and tried to console him.  That’s when he flailed and knocked his head on my lip really hard, and well, that is when this tired Mom lost her patience.

I put him down, went to my room, and shut the door, intending to get ready for work in peace.

Of course, they followed me.  Two crying, wailing kids following me and grating on my last nerve.

“YOU DEAL WITH THEM,” I told my husband angrily, who was still mocking sleep in bed.  He chose to ignore the whole situation, and it just continued to spiral from there.

I feel horrible, but I’m human.  There is only so much I can handle in the wee hours of the morning while I’m trying to get kids up and ready, and under the pressure of preparing for my own workday.

It has pretty much tainted my entire day.  Days like these, I want to just go back to bed and curl up under the covers, hiding from the world.  But, here I am at work, putting on a brave face, and hoping that things go smoothly when we all return home this evening.

Please tell me I’m not the only one with Bad Mom experiences such as this.

But ski outings with a two year old aren’t easy.  This is how it has gone the past four outings:

1.  We suggest skiing, and he gets all excited, saying, “I want to ski!”  He is happy the entire ride to the ski area.

2.  We get there, and once we get the jacket, helmet, goggles and gloves on him, he melts down.  This is about the time I send JB to the slopes with Little Miss, and I get to deal with the screaming toddler.

3.  I’ve learned we head to the lodge at this point, where he writhes around on the ground and cries for at least a half an hour.  This last week, he collapsed just feet outside the entrance to the lodge.  A man walking by with his two kids starts saying, “Man down, Man down!”

People in ski lodges think a kid throwing a tantrum in ski gear is REALLY funny.  I am pretty much over it.  I tend to grab a camera, take a few pics for future blackmail purposes, and then I sit down about 10 feet away from him until he snaps out of it.

Right after this picture was taken, I ran into my former boss.  It is a bit embarrassing to have your kid losing his s*#t on the floor.

This past weekend, after 30 minutes of flailing, Little Man came up to me and said, “I want to go see the dragons.”

Dragons?  I’ll roll with it.  “Let’s go, then,” I said.  “You need a helmet to protect you from the dragons, and the goggles will keep the fire off of your eyes.”

So then, we head to the chairlift looking for the dragons.  Whatever works, I’ll do it.

Of course the snow conditions here have been hideous — all man made at this point.  They’ve been making snow during the day, and I’m pretty sure he thinks the snow guns are the dragons.

4.  After he snaps out of his tantrum, things are fine.  He likes to ride the chairlift, and makes hilarious noises we’ve dubbed his ski noises, which usually include squeaks and squawks.  He’s a little trooper after he gets over his initial issues.

Last night, he told us that he wanted to take his basketball skiing, but that he’d hold on to it really tight so that the dragons wouldn’t get it.

JB said he’s going to take Little Man skiing on Sunday while I’m in Disneyland with our daughter.  I’m curious to see if he’ll pull this stuff with Daddy, and if he does, what Daddy’s reaction will be to a half hour tantrum.

I’ve been trying to bait her for this experience.

“If there was one place in the world you’d like to go, where would it be?” I asked.

“Albuquerque to see Grandma.”

OK, well that is a good answer, and I’m not going to debate that.

I’ve also told her that she’s not having a big party this year because she is getting a SUPER HUGE PRESENT.

It’s just going to be us two traveling.  JB isn’t interested in Disneyland, and I don’t want to take a 2 year old there…  It would be so much harder to deal with nap times and tantrums, and height limits with only one adult to manage the two kids.  Little Miss is tall enough for almost all of the rides, and we’re going to hit the big kid rides one after another.

I’m pretty sure I’m going to tell her about an hour before we need to leave the house.  That way, I announce it, we pack her bags, and zoom, off to the airport!  I’ll definitely videotape the reveal, as I had no idea, but there are countless videos on YouTube of parents surprising their kids with Disney trips.  Who knew?!

I went to DisneyWorld for my college Spring Break when I was a senior.  I remember saying after that trip that I didn’t see many happy kids there, and that I didn’t plan to take my kids to Disney resorts.

But now that I’m a Mom, and I know how much this would blow her mind, and I am pretty sure (fingers crossed) that she is mature enough to handle 2 days at DisneyLand without a meltdown, I’ve changed my mind.  For Little Man’s sake, let’s hope this goes well, and that I don’t swear off future trips to the happiest place on earth.

We went up to Mt. Rose three times over the holiday break to get the kids skiing.  The first two times, I simply helped shuttle kids and equipment to JB, who was working patiently with both of them.

Mt. Rose where where I injured myself, and from where I stood, I could see the scene of the accident, where I fell within sight of the lodge and the lower mountain, and had to ride a snowmobile down to the ski patrol.

Yesterday, I finally got up the courage to try skiing again.  The doctor told me I could ski 9 months after surgery, and to start slow.

Eleven months, three weeks after my initial injury, and nine months, two days after my surgery, I made my return to skis.  I did three beginner runs, and got to ski with the hubby and both of my kids.

I still have a lot of work to do to get back to “normal”, if that will be possible, but the first major hurdle in conquering my fears has been cleared.