Out of the Mouth of Babes

At dinner tonight, we were asking Little Miss questions.  The answers were so funny, I had to document.

1. Where do babies come from?  In the belly.  I know that question very well, thank you.  They come from God.  You guys make an egg and then the baby goes inside into the belly. 
2. What are you going to be when you grow up?  I’m going to be somebody that is on stage.  I’m going to do ballet.  Did you know Spiderman is real?  So he’s working on stage right now, and he doesn’t have a costume on.    
3. Where do lions live, and what do they eat?  Why are they called the king of the jungle? So they live in the jungle.  I don’t know what they eat, but I think they get lost so people find them and put them in a zoo.  They are called the king of the jungle because they’re really big and strong.
4. Who is the smartest person you know?  Barack Obama. 
5. What is truth?  So truth is if you lie…  If one hand makes the L, the other makes the wrong.   That means the other one is right. (In other words, she confused left and right with truth and lies.)
6. Do two wrongs make a right?  No, so one wrong and one right makes right.  If someone does something mean and the other one does it to the other one, that’s not fair.  And nobody tells, they’re going to have to go home. 
7. What is a princess?  Well they’re not real.  They’re just on TV.  But Belle is. Spiderman is.  Belle is because Kacey said Belle came to Jordyn’s party.  So if someone has beautiful clothes, but don’t act beautiful, they’re not beautiful. 
8. What kind of man will you marry?  A man with a beard.  A white beard.  He’s going to drive a motorcycle. 
9. What is the internet?  So the internet is where you write down stuff and then it sends it to other people that you’re writing to.
10. Why is the sky blue?  Because God doesn’t just want to make it white.  There has to be just two colors in between white, so God decided to make it blue.
11. Tell me about boys.  So if girls have penises, and boys have vaginas, so boys call girls boys and girls call boys girls because it’s a lot more different.
12. Why do girls wear dresses?  Because so if boys wore dresses it would be funny and every girl is going to laugh at them.  Boys don’t like dresses and whenever you try to put them on, they’ll say, “no”.
13. What does Mommy do for work?  So she pays money to give to the poor children so that she doesn’t be poor.
14. What does Daddy do for work?  He pays money just like you not to be poor and give money to other poor kids just like you are. 
15. How old  is Grandma?  Um, that’s a hard one.
16. What happens when you die?  You just are really still and you never move.  You can’t see, and you’re really still like this.  If you are mean, you’ll go to Hell, if you’ve been nice your whole life, you’ll go to Heaven.
17. What happens in Heaven?  So if you go to Hell, you eat yucky stuff, and in Heaven you eat good stuff like bread.  Bread is hard in Hell, and it’s good in Heaven. 
18. What is your life going to be like in 20 years?  So in 20 years, if I’m old, I die a little bit older.  You don’t know this…  You don’t want to be fat because if you’re fat, your life won’t be that long, it will be short.
19. But what is YOUR life going to be like?  I might be like Claire (her aunt).  I might be like Papa.  To be like Papa, I would sleep really late. 
20. Would you stay in the bathroom a long time like Papa?  Well if you poop by yourself and you don’t even wipe every day, your bottom will turn so red you won’t even want to walk. 
21. What causes stinky bottoms?  Um so (said while cleaning toe jam) if you don’t wipe, your bottom will get red and store and it smells stinky.
22. What happens when you flush the toilet?  So nothing stinks and if you wipe, nothing is going to go on.  So they get the poop in the pipes and smash it up and then they make it disappear and then they make the dirty water goes into the sea. 
23. What does the president of the United States do?  If it was the Queen, it would go on trips and have everyone do what they wanted.  But if it was the President, he would talk or sing or be on stage. 
24. What is the best part about skiing?  So I like when I turn and sometimes I jump a little bit. (I guarantee this kid is not jumping on her skis.)