Rebellin

I took Madelynn in for a follow up with the doctor that did her surgery last week, and we now find out that she has a sinus infection, which will require antibiotics.

Lovely. My four month old needs to be on antibiotics already.

But part of me welcomes these drugs if it will get her back to normal, which she is still far from. She’s up about twice a night now, which is a shock to my system after sleeping so soundly for the past few months.

When I gave Madelynn her first dose of the medicine, it came right back out, as she was having nothing to do with it. Little does she know I’m a sneaky Momma, and I put it in her milk, and she subsequently sucked it right down. Bwahahaha — don’t mess with the Momma!

That’s about all to report right now. Having a cold and limited sleep are not a good combo!

I spent the majority of my three day weekend dealing with my inconsolible daughter. Many times, all I could do was hold her while she cried.

Today, we determined that she needed to see a doctor, as something was amiss. Along with the general crankiness, she has had an on-again-off-again fever since Friday.

So, where else do you go on a holiday but to Urgent Care? Yes, I’m just back from my first experience with Pediatric Urgent Care, where I discovered that on top of her first injury and recovering from her first surgery, Madelynn has her first cold.

I was suspicious of a cold, considering JB brought one home on Wednesday, and I came down with it on Friday, too. Lord knows how much we’ll have to pay to find out that she has a cold and we should continue giving her Tylenol.

I was also told to shower with Madelynn so that she’d get all of the steam. I’m not quite sure how you shower in a single shower stall like we have with a 4 month old. Should I put her in the Bumbo? I have a feeling that it will piss her off more than anything.

As this three day weekend comes to a close, I’m exhausted, and feel like I need another three day weekend… One that doesn’t involve an inconsolible infant and personally having a cold. My next concern is that she’s going to be sent home from daycare tomorrow, at which point I’m really hoping JB will come get her, because I’ve been back to work for three weeks and have had to take almost three days off already. This whole working thing… Not going so well.

I am ready to close the door on one of the worst weeks of my entire life.

Come to think of it, perhaps it was THE worst week of my life.

It all started Sunday night when I decided to go on a walk around the neighborhood with Madelynn and the Black Dog Club. I hadn’t made it to the gym that day, so I was looking for a good workout. I decided to go walk “to the G”. You see, here in ‘Vada, people paint letters on the foothills to represent the high schools. We live right by Galena High School, hence the G. The walk up to the G is steep, but completely paved.

Right as I made it to the entry of the path to the G, a man stopped me, saying he had just seen two rattlesnakes on the pavement up there.

I figured that coming across rattlesnakes with three dogs and a baby was the last thing I needed, so I decided to just go walk on a pretty flat trail that goes through a field by the high school.

When I got to that trail, I let the dogs off the leash, and started walking with Madelynn, who was in the Baby Bjorn facing outwards. Not two minutes later, I tripped on a rock and fell.

This is a trail that we walk all the time by our house. It’s not a tricky trail at all. Perhaps my guard was down. Nevertheless, I fell forward and Madelynn’s face hit the ground.

Truly the worst moment of my life.

I don’t really want to rehash what those next moments were like, because it was truly a nightmare. In essence, I rounded up the dogs, scurried home, and then drove her to the Emergency Room, calling JB on my cell phone telling him to meet me there, since he was at Home Depot when this all happened.

The Emergency Room was pretty worthless. We were there for three hours, and basically, they looked in her eyes, nose and ears, and gave us an ice pack. I actually had to go across the street to buy her some infant Tylenol.

When we got home from the hospital, she started having trouble breathing through her nose. I didn’t sleep that night, petrified that if I did, I would wake up to find that she had stopped breathing.

The next morning, concerned by the difficulty she had breathing through her nose, I took her to the pediatrician, who basically said she’d be fine, but suggested nose drops.

Nose drops didn’t help, so on Tuesday, we went to the Ear, Nose and Throat doctor that confirmed that she had a fractured septum, which was blocking both nostrils, and that she’d need surgery to get it repaired.

I cannot tell you the guilt that I have been dealing with this week, and it sent me spiraling downward to know that she’d have to undergo surgery at merely 3 months of age simply because her mother is a klutz.

The surgery was Wednesday morning, and the night before was miserable because she couldn’t have any medications or milk after midnight. She basically slept in my arms that night as she thrashed about.

Handing Madelynn over to the nurse for her surgery was also horrible. I went outside and just sobbed. My heart literally hurt. My heart was broken when I fell and hurt my baby.

The surgery only took 15 minutes, and simply consisted of the doctor knocking the septum back into its proper place, so no cutting was required.

She breathed a bit better for a while, but then got more congested as her tissues swelled from the surgery. That night, she started projectile vomiting from one of the meds she was on.

It was like a nightmare that wouldn’t end.

She’s getting better now. By yesterday, her wimpering cry that made her hoarse had subsided, and my happy, smiling baby was back, be it with quite a bit of residual congestion. With a few squirts of nose spray, you really couldn’t tell what a traumatic week it has been for all of us.

My Mom came out on Monday night, and has been a life saver. I think there is something very comforting about having your mother around in times of crisis.

So things are finally looking up around here. Madelynn’s scrapes and bruises are almost completely gone, and she looks beautiful once again. I don’t think I’ll ever get over the pain in my heart from seeing my baby suffer due to something I did.

I know it’s not my fault. I know accidents happen. But that still doesn’t get rid of the guilt. The only thing that makes me feel better is to see her heal and start to thrive again. I know that there will be other times that she’ll be hurt and that it will physically pain me to see her suffer again, but this time around, I’m just so glad we seem to have made it through the worst of it.

And today, more than any other, I say Thank God it’s Friday. I plan to spend the entire three day weekend making this up to my baby daughter.

There has been an accident. Madelynn had to have some minor surgery this morning. She seems to be doing better, but I just can’t bring myself to write about it yet, and need to be holding my baby. Please excuse my absence.

When I picked up Madelynn from daycare today, there was a scary looking sign on the door to the infant room.

“This classroom has been exposed to Rota Virus,” the headline read. It then went on to describe the symptoms of Rota Virus, which include fever and severe diarrhea and vomiting.

Nothing can strike the fear in the heart of a mother with an infant like a sign like that.

I inquired the daycare workers about how long it takes from exposure to full blown infection, but of course they didn’t know.

As I left, one of the workers gleefully said, “have a GREAT weekend!”

And I couldn’t help but think, yeah, easy for you to say. You’re not going to be on the watch for the Rota Virus.

And the sad part is the fun is just beginning. I should keep count of how many of those signs we’ll see over the years.

Most people that know both JB and I say that Madelynn looks like him. A lot of people also say that she got her dad’s easy going personality.

So what did she get from me?

Well, according to JB, she got the Cook Laugh.

Until JB pointed it out, I never realized that certain members of my family all do the same very unique laugh. JB describes it as someone letting the air out of a tire. Kind of a hissing as we laugh. My Dad, brother Greg and I all share the Cook Laugh.

And now, Madelynn does it too. It’s pretty adorable, and I’m glad to see that she got something from me.

JB also says that she got her pension for demanding food NOW from me, too, as I’ve been known to get grumpy if he tries to deny me food. The man can go the better part of a day without food, and doesn’t understand why I can’t either.

Well, I’m blathering a bit today. One last tidbit before I go. This past weekend, JB cleaned out our pond and got our waterfall working again (after having it shut down for the winter). Our waterfall is gorgeous — about five feet tall, feeding into a pond that is about five feet wide. It’s in our back yard, very close to our master bedroom. Last night, I opened all the windows in our bedroom and turned on the fountain, and I tell you, I almost felt like I was sleeping at a spa. It was awesome.

Thank God the weekend is over.

Never thought you’d hear me say that, did you? I spent the weekend working the Reno River Festival, working late both Friday and Saturday, and working on my first Mother’s Day ever.

It’s a great event, but when you’re stuck in a t-shirt booth selling t-shirts and hats for hours on end, it’s really no fun at all.

It was hard being away from Madelynn for such long hours, too. It was especially hard yesterday, as I saw all these Mothers with their children enjoying their day, and I was missing my baby more than ever. I kept tearing up at the thought of her. Luckily, I was able to leave a little after 2:00 yesterday, so I salvaged what time was left of Mother’s Day. JB had made me breakfast in the morning, and after I got home from work, we all went for a hike and got Chinese take out. That family time was absolutely priceless to me.

Returning to work after maternity leave is hard. But for me, I won’t get a weekend until this Saturday, which means I will have worked ten days in a row without a weekend break. I can’t wait until Saturday, where I will spend as much liesure time with my baby and hubby as I please.

My first day back at work went as smoothly as can be expected. I woke up at 6, showered upstairs so as to not disturb my sleeping hubby, and then pumped for about an hour while feeding and changing Madelynn, and playing with her. Yes, the hands free pumping bra enables me to be pretty efficient.

I shed a few tears as I told her goodbye, and then let JB take over with the drop off at daycare. Work was super busy, as can be expected after a three month leave, so it helped the time pass. I made it until 11:30 before I called the daycare to check in on her, and she was doing fine, of course.

I picked her up from the daycare, and found her taking a bottle from one of the care takers. It did bother me a bit when they handed Madelynn over, and she couldn’t stop staring at and smiling at the care taker. But, I guess that is to be expected, and at least I know she’s in good hands. I was impressed by the daycare yesterday, with their meticulous records of Madelynn’s care and how involved they seemed to be with her.

I really thought that JB and I had it all together yesterday until I came home to discover the front door unlocked (due to a miscommunication between us) and a lovely pink note on the door from animal services. Evidently, our gate latch didn’t get shut all the way when JB had been working in the yard the night before, so the Black Dog Club was out roaming the neighborhood. Luckily, animal services rounded them up for us, put them in the yard and latched the gate, and was nice enough not to give us a fine.

I spent my next hour at home laying on the floor next to Madelynn and talking to her and playing with her. I felt like I had to cram in as much quality time as I could. Not sure how to balance that with the preparation of dinner, but I guess I’ll figure it out.

Madelynn spent her first night in her own room last night in her crib. Yes, it was a day full of milestones for her. She slept soundly for 10 hours last night, so I venture to say the transition was a success.

I guess I left those of you out in cyber-space hanging on the whole daycare situation. It’s been a roller coaster. As you recall, the two daycares I was on the waiting lists for initially told me they didn’t have space for Madelynn until July. Hence, I arranged for a friend to watch her in the interim.

Then, I got a call saying that the 10 people ahead of me on the list had passed up a position for May, so Madelynn got her coveted spot in our #1 choice. There will be 12 infants in her room with 3 “teachers”.

I’m still investigating in-home daycare options, as I’m not sure the daycare thing sits well with me. We’ll see how things go. Today, I had to run to the doctor’s office to pick up a note that says Madelynn is allowed to be in a swing (isn’t that silly?!), plus her shot record and a “well baby” certificate. I then had to hand write a note saying they’re allowed to put diaper rash ointment on her. The cover-your-a$$ at this place is pretty dumbfounding for me.

Anyway, here goes nothing. It’s time to put Madelynn down for the night. She has no idea how much her world is going to change tomorrow morning!