I took a brief hiatus from the High Fidelity Series, but I’m back… I received numerous comments/e-mails about my high school stories, but I’m sorry to tell you people that it’s now time to move into the college years. However, based on your response, I may return to the high school days for a chronicle of funny memories…
OK, so Freshman year in college… The year is 1997, and I was still getting used to my newly found freedom. (You know, freedom from parental oversight, curfues, etc.) But I was still very religious, as I had been for a good portion of my life. I attended church every
Sunday, went to a women’s Bible study, and joined Campus Crusade for Christ.
I think I met Blake through Campus Crusade for Christ. (Disclaimer: I don’t have anything against this organization. They just seemed to be a collection of freaks at my school at that particular time.) Blake was studying to become a minister.
We dated for a few months, and let me tell you, that minister in the making screwed with my mind. We’d kiss, and then the next day, he’d tell me that we really shouldn’t be kissing because it would make our minds wander, and that was a sin, etc., etc., etc. Then, the next time I saw him, he’d want to make out, and then would lay a guilt trip on me again. I swear it was like dating a man with a personality disorder.
Blake was also strongly opposed to alcohol consumption. Considering at that point in my life, I had never been drunk, and had only had small amounts of alcohol with my parents, this wasn’t a problem.
Until one day, when I went to a party and drank a beer.
I mentioned that to Blake the next day, and all hell broke loose. All kinds of mentions of sin and hell and alcoholism…
Man, I had a beer. There’s no sin in that. Granted I was only 18, but still, it was just a beer.
Over Christmas break while my brothers and I were all home for the holidays, I invited Blake over to rent a movie.
Now my brothers knew about Blake’s borderline religious freakiness, and decided to play with him. Unbenownst to me, they invited over a few friends, cracked open some alcohol and arranged a poker game with my parents and their friends at the kitchen table. By the time Blake arrived, the poker game was in full swing, and they were (purposely, I think) being loud and using profanities.
In fact, I think there were a few ‘God Damnits’ and ‘Jesus H. Christs’ thrown in for good measure.
I remember Blake and I sitting in the attached family room about 2 feet from the TV because we could hardly hear with all the commotion that was being made in the kitchen. I was so embarrassed and livid with my brothers… And parents, who seemed to be playing along.
It was about one or two weeks after this little episode that Blake called me and said that he thought it was best that we didn’t see each other anymore. Actually, I think he worded it that we needed to take a break from each other.
It was that momentous opportunity that I chose to get drunk for the first time ever. In my dorm room, Amber and I mixed up some Kool-Aid and Smith’s brand Vodka (the ultimate in a cheap college drink), and I proceeded to drink it with a vengence.
I was also very sick with a cold at the time, and was on the verge of losing my voice.
At one point, I decided that I needed to call Blake to announce to him that I was drunk. Ha! How funny would that be?!
Well, Blake wasn’t home, and I think I left him at least three messages in my horribly hoarse voice saying, ‘Blake, I’m druuuuunnnkkkkkkk. What do you think about that?’ or ‘Blake, I’m drinking Smith’s Brand Vooooooodkaaaaaa.’
On a sidenote about that night, Amber was wise enough to turn on the tape recorder, so I have a priceless tape of me the first time I was ever drunk. You can hear me ramble on about Blake, and about Smith’s Brand Vodka, which is charcol filtered, nonetheless, and how I needed my DCT lip balm. Somewhere along the line, Amber invited over Rob and Tim to see the spectacle of drunk Lynnette in her dorm room.
The three of them chatted with me (this is all on the tape), and then one of them (let me note that all three of them were sober, as this was a school night) decided that it would be tons of fun for us all to take a shower together fully clothed.
Even my first-time-ever-drunk-self saw that this was a stupid and ridiculous idea, but they then decided they were going to force me into the shower with all my clothes on. Perhaps it was a ploy to sober me up.
I would have none of that.
Being thrown in the shower with all of my clothes on was the worst possible fate I could think of at that point in time, so I crawled under my bed and grabbed on as the three of them tried to pull me out to put me in the shower.
On the tape, you can hear the drunk hoarse me protesting, and I think they just eventually gave up, because I know they never got me into the shower fully clothed.
Anyway, back to Blake. I later found out that the reason why he broke up with me was that he was dating some MARRIED 26 year-old woman in the Campus Crusade for Christ. I am so serious. And then, I kept finding out how hypocritical those Campus Crusaders were, and I found myself unable and unwilling to deal with that hypocracy. I stopped going to church, started going to more parties, and I didn’t find myself wanting to go back to church or think about religion until I graduated from college.
It’s not that I became an athiest. It’s not that I went wild or did crazy things. Yes, I went to parties and drank but that was really the extent of it. It was kind of like I was saying, ‘God, I believe in you, but I’m really fed up right now, so I’ll come back to you when I’m ready.’
And I did. Although I haven’t really been a regular church-goer for a while, I think that the big man and I are on good terms now, and I definitely turn to him for guidance and support.
So there you have it. The story of Blake, the man that turned me away from religion and drove me to drinking. Blake ended up getting married to a younger girl in our junior year of college. During my senior year, I had the pleasure of having a class with him. It was in a big lecture hall, and I recall seeing him come in late and sit down at the back of the class, but I never acknowledged his presence. Take that!
I’m sure he’s a minister somewhere, confusing the minds of his entire congregation. Isn’t that a comforting thought?
And before I end this entry, I just want to say that I now think my family’s staged poker game was a really funny idea. They’re not heathens… Just lovable people with a REALLY GOOD sense of humor. I just wish someone had tape recorded that incident!